Safety Screening
Before we begin, we need to ensure this tool is appropriate and safe for your situation. Please answer these questions honestly.
Before we begin, we need to ensure this tool is appropriate for your situation. If you answer "Yes" to any of these questions, professional intervention is essential.
Based on your responses, your situation requires professional support. This self-help tool works best alongside therapy for situations involving:
- Physical violence or threats
- Emotional abuse or coercive control
- Active addiction or untreated mental illness
- Suicidal ideation
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (24/7, confidential)
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988 (24/7)
- SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-4357 (substance abuse/mental health, 24/7)
- Find a licensed therapist: Psychology Today directory or your health insurance provider
Your safety and wellbeing matter. Please reach out to one of these resources today. You deserve support from trained professionals who can help you navigate this crisis.
Based on your responses, this tool may be helpful for your situation. Click the "Assessment" tab above to continue.
Remember: This tool works best when used alongside professional counseling. If at any point your situation escalates, please seek immediate professional help.
Where Are You Right Now?
This assessment helps identify what you need most in this moment. Answer honestly—these responses are private and meant only to guide you toward helpful resources.
Seven Steps Toward Healing
These biblical steps create movement toward restoration. They work best when practiced alongside professional counseling support.
If you've experienced betrayal, these steps may need to be worked through with a therapist trained in trauma recovery. Healing from infidelity typically takes 2-5 years of consistent work. Be patient with yourself and the process.
"So that, my beloved brothers, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath." (James 1:19, KJ3)
Before defending yourself, before explaining, before correcting—listen. Ask: "Help me understand what you're experiencing." Then be silent and actually hear. Active listening creates safety. When we feel heard, our defenses can lower, making it possible to move from self-protection to connection.
"'Be angry, but do not sin;' do not let the sun go down on your wrath." (Ephesians 4:26, KJ3)
Honesty is essential, but brutality is harmful. Say "I felt abandoned when you chose work over our anniversary" rather than "You never care about me." State specific behaviors and their impact, not character judgments. Specific feedback can be heard and addressed; global attacks activate shame and shut down the capacity for change.
"There is therefore now no condemnation to the ones in Christ Jesus, not walking according to flesh, but according to Spirit." (Romans 8:1, KJ3)
Guilt says "I did wrong and can repair it." Shame says "I am wrong and cannot change." Guilt is productive; shame is paralyzing. When confessing or receiving confession, aim for accountability without condemnation. Shame is correlated with addiction, violence, and mental health struggles, while guilt is correlated with positive behavior change. Shame-free accountability creates space for real transformation.
"And I will also give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit within you. And I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give to you a heart of flesh." (Ezekiel 36:26, KJ3)
What Scripture calls "hardness of heart" often shows up as emotional numbing, irritability, withdrawal, or defensiveness. These are protective responses to feeling unsafe, not character flaws. Recognize them without judgment, then ask God to help you soften. Understanding that shutdown and defensiveness are survival responses reduces shame and creates space for healing.
"Confess to one another the deviations from the Law, and pray for one another, that you may be healed; being very strong, the prayer of a righteous one works effectually." (James 5:16, KJ3)
The goal is restoration, not punishment. Ask: "What do you need to tell me that you've been afraid to say?" Then respond with grace first, consequences second. Safety makes honesty possible. When people feel safe, they can be truthful. When honesty is punished, secrets grow.
"Purposes without counsel are frustrated, but by many counselors they rise." (Proverbs 15:22, KJ3)
Isolation protects secrets; community protects marriages. Find a licensed therapist trained in couples work (Gottman Method, EFT, PACT, or similar evidence-based approaches) or a trained counselor who can offer perspective you cannot see from inside the crisis. Couples therapy isn't a sign of failure—it's a sign of wisdom. A skilled therapist can identify patterns you can't see, teach communication skills, and provide tools for managing triggers and repairing trust.
"I have loved you with an everlasting love." (Jeremiah 31:3, KJ3)
On hard days, stand on the promise you made, not the emotion you've lost. Feelings follow actions more often than actions follow feelings. Choose one small covenant behavior daily, even when affection is absent. Small, consistent acts of care rebuild connection over time. Emotion follows behavior.
Healing is not linear. Some days you'll take three steps forward and two back. That's normal. Keep showing up. Keep choosing truth with mercy. Keep believing God can heal what is broken—and that professional support is part of how He does that work.
Scripture for Your Situation
Choose the Scripture passage that speaks to where you are right now. Read slowly, letting the words settle into your heart.
When You're Hiding in Shame
When Your Heart Feels Numb or Protective
When You've Been Betrayed
When You Need Hope for Restoration
When You Need to Forgive
If you've experienced betrayal trauma, Scripture can provide comfort and hope, but it shouldn't be used to bypass the grief process or pressure yourself into "forgiving faster." Trauma recovery has its own timeline. A trauma-informed therapist can help you integrate faith and healing in healthy ways.
Reflection & Prayer Journal
Use these prompts to process your thoughts and prayers. Writing creates clarity and helps you see patterns you might miss in the swirl of emotion.
Remember: hiding drains life. Confession restores it. This is between you and God (and perhaps your therapist).
Notice when you go numb, withdraw, or become defensive. These are protective responses. What triggers them?
Write it first. Pray over it. Then speak it with humility, not excuses. Consider discussing timing with your therapist if the confession involves betrayal.
Frame it with genuine curiosity: "Help me understand..." rather than "Why did you..."
Even in the darkest seasons, God leaves evidence of His presence.
Write your honest prayer—fear, hope, confession, petition. God can handle all of it.
Your reflections are saved only in your browser's local storage. They are not sent anywhere and cannot be accessed by anyone else. Clear your browser data to delete them permanently.
Daily Practices for Covenant Repair
Small daily actions rebuild what crisis has fractured. These practices work best when combined with weekly therapy sessions.
Don't expect to do all of these perfectly. Choose 1-2 practices to start. Consistency beats intensity. Small steps daily create more change than heroic efforts once a month.
Morning Practices
Throughout the Day
Evening Practices
Weekly Practices
You're not trying to manufacture feelings. You're choosing covenant actions and trusting God to restore what obedience builds. Healing from crisis—especially betrayal—typically takes 2-5 years of consistent work. Some days will feel like progress; others will feel like regression. Both are part of the journey. Keep showing up. Keep getting professional support. Keep praying.